If there's one word that describes almost every woman today, it's

"TIRED". We are all too tired. We ask ourselves to do too much,

others expect much of us, and we get little help. And it shows!

Our lives are busier than ever before, yet at the same time

as we spend all this time "working" for our family, we often

find that the relationships we desperately need to sustain us

are often fleeting.

How can this be? How can we put in so many hours, and yet not

connect with our kids? How can we be going from sunup until

sundown, and yet feel little connection to our husbands (those

of us who have them) or have little time to leave room

for such relationships?

The answer, I think, is that many of us are busy for the wrong

reasons. The problem, though, is not US. Our whole society's

crazy. I think we all need a bit of a reality check, so that

we can give ourselves a break and shift our focus to more

important things.

When you're running a race, you're looking at the finish line.

You know where you're going, and you're running in such a way

as to get there as quickly as possible.

At other times in our lives we may also be running at full

speed. But perhaps instead of actually getting to the finish

line, we're just spinning our wheels. We're putting out

tremendous effort, but we're not anywhere. Why? Because

we have to keep our eyes on the prize.

1. Keep Perspective

Stephen Covey, in his now famous book "7 Habits of Highly

Effective People", submits that effective people "begin with

the end in mind". They know where they're headed, so they

make sure they're headed in the right direction.

What is your goal in life? Many of us have never actually

articulated it. But think about it. At the end of your

life, what do you want your obituary to say? Most of us

have slightly different answers, although some common

things emerge.

Children and relationships will top the list. We want to

be good mothers. We want to make a lasting impression on

our kids. Some of us also have specific things we want to

pass on; perhaps religious beliefs, hobbies or skills, or

personality traits like compassion.

We want to impact our community. For some of us that may

mean political activism, or volunteering, or just being

the neighbourhood mother hen.

For others of us, career goals may well play a part. But

ultimately, when all is said and done, what we want is

our family.

2. Judge Your Life by this Perspective

Now that you've decided where you want to be headed, ask

yourself, is that where I'm going? If you want good

relationships with your children, you're going to need

to spend quantity time with them, and not just quality

time. If your kids are getting shuffled to five different

after-school activities, such time is probably very

limited.

Similarly, if kids are scattering because they would

rather be anywhere other than home, this goal is going

to be difficult to achieve.

Is your home comfortable for your kids? Do they have

places where they can be themselves? Are they comfortable

inviting friends over?

Are your kids comfortable with you? Are you relaxed

enough to devote real time to them, or are you often

snappy? What can you do to reduce your own stress so

you can concentrate on the relationships that matter to

you?

3. Purge your Life of the Unnecessary!

All of us have things in our lives we would be better

off getting rid of. Recently my husband and I have

been realizing we have been overcommitted in our church

and our community. While we're involved in many "good

causes", we don't have time just to sit around and play

Monopoly with the children. And that's time that's

precious and that you can't always get back.

Perhaps there are things that you, too, can get rid

of. For some of you, like us, it may be outside

commitments. Some people may also be working outside

the home more than is financially necessary. Perhaps

lightening your outside burden would lower your stress

level at home!

And finally, physically purging your life of "stuff" can

also bring great relief! When we're surrounded by

clutter, we have to clean it, tidy it, repair it,

stare at it, and stress over it. If you have things in

your house that are making it difficult to keep tidy,

then a trip to Goodwill is probably in order.

There is nothing more precious than people, and lost

time with those we love is something we can never

reclaim. Let's work today on keeping our eyes on the

prize, and get rid of the rest. Maybe we can start

to transform society, one family at a time, so that

we again remember how satisfying family can be!

From the June 2003 edition of To Love, Honor and Vacuum newsletter. Click here to subscribe.

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Do you feel really tired, too? Like you need to keep your

eyes on the prize? Check out my book To Love, Honor and Vacuum,

which encourages you to do just that.