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----------------------To Love, Honor and Vacuum------------------
Tired, at your wit's end, or just need a pick-me-up? Let's give
ourselves a break as we talk parenting and housework with
some common sense for a change!
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Vol. 1, Number 7
July 2003
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Sheila Wray Gregoire: e-mail: Sheila@SheilaWrayGregoire.com
Author of To Love, Honor and Vacuum: When you feel more like a
maid than a wife and a mother, available now!
And Reality Check, in the Belleville Intelligencer and the
Penticton Herald.
All material Copyright 2003, Sheila Wray Gregoire
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Know of someone else who would benefit from this newsletter?
Feel free to pass it along, or send me their e-mail!
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IN THIS ISSUE
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1. WELCOME TO ALL THE NEW SUBSCRIBERS!
2. FEATURE ARTICLE:
Going for Gold, guest article by Dena Dyer
3. KIDS SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS!
4. YOU DESERVE A BREAK
The Nine "Rules" of Housework
5. FAMILY TIME:
Use summer to re-evaluate all those extra-curricular
commitments
6. BOOK CORNER:
Books to excite your Harry Potter-ite
7. PARENT TO PARENT:
What chores do you give your kids for the summer?
8. REALITY CHECK
Glorious and Free
9. Subscribe/Unsubscribe Information
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Visit me at www.SheilaWrayGregoire.com!
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1. WELCOME TO ALL MY NEW SUBSCRIBERS!
This past month I've had a ton of new subscribers--and not from
the same sources as before! Many of you don't know me at all,
and others of you met me up in Muskoka when I gave a seminar
there.
So let me tell you a bit about who I am:
I'm a writer and speaker with a passion for helping women find
fulfillment in their lives and helping them to raise great kids.
I think women face a really tough road today, probably more
difficult than at any other time in history in some specific
ways (though not in all--at least we can run to the local
supermarket for Haagen-Daz when we need it!).
More is expected of us than ever before, but at the same time
marriages are harder to keep together and so many things conspire
to pull our kids away from us. I hope that in this newsletter
I can help give us strategies to cope with the problems in our
lives and make our families richer in the process!
I write a weekly parenting column that appears in Belleville and
Penticton, both in Canada, and I have a book that's out this
month called To Love, Honor and Vacuum: when you feel more
like a maid than a wife and a mother.
I hope you find this newsletter helpful. Please stop by my
website and read some of my articles and columns, or just check
out some of the funny things I've got posted. Thanks for
subscribing, and pass this newsletter along!
Sheila.
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*********FEATURE ARTICLE*********:
GOING FOR GOLD
by Dena Dyer
I come from a very competitive family. We're not super-
outdoorsy or athletic-but just try to come between us and a
bucket of fried chicken! At our bi-annual family reunion, we have
horseshoe and ping-pong tournaments for kids and adults,
complete with poster-board tracking systems and trophies.
And-this is true-our win/loss records go in the Christmas
newsletter.
So I got to thinking: if this parenting thing were an Olympic
sport, perhaps I could be a medallist-or at least a contender.
In fact, I think I'll start wearing an Olympic jacket around the
house while I vacuum and see if anyone believes I'm in training.
See if you can identify with some of these sports my friends
and I practice weekly, if not daily:
· Weightlifting-I'd like to see any of those spandex-clad
musclemen carrying a thirty-pound toddler, a purse and
cellphone in one arm and a bag of groceries in the other!
· High jump-While they are strangers to the gym, several
of my girlfriends are experts at hitting the ceiling when
their teenagers come home an hour past curfew;
· Long jump-I'm an expert at covering the distance from the
couch to the television in one second, in order to shield
my son's eyes from a suggestive commercial;
· Curling-Try this one at home: raise your upper lip at the
gross dinner conversation your teenage son is having with his
father (extra points awarded for not gagging);
· Hurdles-We moms are experts at going to the bathroom in
the middle of the night without stepping on clothes, backpacks,
shoes, or toys;
· Balance beam-We're also winners at juggling sports practices,
church obligations, work, marriage and family demands;
· Synchronized swimming-I bet you're a pro at helping your
partner and hubby stay afloat with all of his concerns
(you'd better be in sync, or one of you will drown!);
· Wrestling-Sometimes I feel like I've been through the
wringer after battling fatigue, depression, anxiety, world
concerns, and family problems.
All joking aside, parenting is not a competition. But we moms
are champions at comparing ourselves to others, and measuring our
kids against impossible standards. We want our children to be as
fast as Michael Johnson, as funny as Scott Hamilton, as good-
looking as Bart Conner, and as resilient as Kerry Strung.
Before I became a mom, I read all the "right" parenting books,
attended classes, visited websites and decided that I would never
spank, yell, criticize, or use television as a babysitter.
I thought I was being realistic: after all, I didn't say that I
would nurse for a solid year, use cloth diapers, make my own baby
food, or sew my son's clothing.
But I was striving to have Sarah Hughes' grace, Mary Lou Retton's
charm, Serena Williams' energy (and body!) and Peggy Fleming's
class.
There's nothing wrong with wanting the best for ourselves--and
our kids-but we need to remember that we are human, and our
children are, too. I'm the queen of unrealistic expectations-I've
got the crown and sceptor in my closet to prove it--which only
sets me up for depression and disappointment. So I'm learning
(slowly!) to let go of my unattainable goals and simply enjoy life.
After all, God loves and accepts me-no matter whether I mess up
or not. And I want to show that same love and acceptance to my son,
so that he'll grow up without the heavy burden of unrealistic
expectations on his little shoulders. After all, he'll have
enough weight to lift without my help.
Now, if I could just get him to practice the sport of picking
up his toys . . .
Dena Dyer is a writer, actress and speaker with credits in
over 125 magazines, including Woman’s World, Today’s Christian
Woman, Writer's Digest, Christian Reader and Discipleship
Journal. She has also contributed to several books. For more
information, visit her website (www.denadyer.com).
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3. KIDS SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS!
Here are four great new jokes I've found:
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up
and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the
shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat,
"Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
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My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell
me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it
out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking
for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my
toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little
smile,"We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it
fell in the toilet a few days ago."
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A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the
jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her
four-year old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the
minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she
added, " Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right
now. She's hitting the bottle."
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And my personal favourite...
When my daughter was about four years old, she still had a
hard time grasping the concept of marriage. But anyway, I
got out our wedding album, thinking visual images would help,
and explained the entire service to her. Once finished, I
asked if she had any questions, and she replied, "Oh. I
see. Is that when Mommy came to work for us?"
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4. YOU DESERVE A BREAK!
I believe that we all are much happier when there's a degree
of order in our homes. When we can find things, when we have
something to make for dinner, when we can walk without
tripping over laundry that's yet to be folded, there's simply
less stress in our lives (that's one reason I wrote my book).
But at the same time, I think we women take housework far too
seriously. It should be done to relieve stress and to make
our homes comforting for us and our family--not to be a status
symbol. And so, in an effort to give us all a little
perspective, I'm going to share with you some "Rules of
Housework" I've found on the internet:
1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers.
Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately
whenever anyone mentions CarpetFresh.
2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when
disturbed. Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos
Islands" and claim an ecological exemption.
3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide
a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun.
Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone.
4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare
from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If
your spouse points out that the light fixtures need
dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What?
And spoil the mood?"
5. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the
doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for
stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children.
6. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly
into one room and close the door. As you show your guests
through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously,
fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our Den, but
Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."
7. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy
urn on the coffee table and insist, "THIS is where Grandma
wanted us to scatter her ashes..."
8. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over
a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to
muster a glint of tears as you say, "Junior did this the
week before that unspeakable accident...I haven't had the
heart to clean it..."
9. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with
four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly.
Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop
an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and
sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get
anywhere..."
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********* ORDER YOUR COPY OF TO LOVE, HONOR AND VACUUM *********
To order:
1. Purchase it through www.amazon.com or www.amazon.ca.
2. Purchase it directly through me (using PAYPAL or sending a
cheque). It's $16.00 including postage for Canadians. You
can send the cheque to:
Sheila Wray Gregoire
Box 20201
Belleville, ON
K8N 5V1
Or, you can pay by Paypal in US funds. It's $10.00 US, and
you can use the Paypal address ks_gregoire@sympatico.ca.
To sign up for a Paypal account (it's easy and it's free, I
use mine all the time!), go here:
https://www.paypal.com/refer/pal=CM2L9GSRN6N6G
3. Ask for it at your local Christian bookstore.
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5. FAMILY TIPS:
If your family is like mine, chances are you're sitting back,
relaxing and letting out a sigh of relief because all that
chauffeuring and scheduling to fit in the extra curricular
activities is over now that summer's here!
So before you get back on that bandwagon again, summer is a
great time to re-evaluate your family commitments. Look back
on last year: did you have regular nights when you could all
eat dinner as a family, or was someone always rushing to get
somewhere? Did your kids have time to do their homework? Did
they have time to just sit around and do nothing at all? Did
you?
If not, then make a decision now that things won't get that
bad again! Kids do not need to be in fourteen different after
school activities. They do need time to be kids, and time
with you, and that time all too easily disappears. So here
are some tips:
1. Sit down with your kids and let them decide what one (or
two) things they just have to be involved in. If there's
one you're committed to that they may not be so keen on,
like music lessons, then let them choose one just for
themselves. But keep it to a minimum.
2. Look at your own schedule. Are there committees you
should be getting off of? Are you using your time well?
3. Think about using the summer to let your kids have a
"taste" of some of the activities they enjoy without it
eating up your year regularly. Send them to a week of dance
or gymnastics camp. Put them in for a week of swimming
lessons. Let them go horseback riding. But keep these
things just for holidays, so they have something
to look forward to, and so that your lives are more
sane!
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BOOK CORNER
This past month we've all witnessed the mayhem caused by the
release of the latest Harry Potter book. Love them or hate them,
Harry Potter has caused a revolution in children's book
publishing, and for many kids has been the first thing to really
turn them on to reading.
But what do you do when your child loves Harry Potter, but you
don't know what else to have them read? You want to tap into
that enthusiasm while you can, and summer's a great time to
start. If you're not fond of Harry (and many parents aren't),
and simply want some alternatives, here are some other books
kids might like:
1. Top of the list would be Lord of the Rings. It's hard to
get through, especially the first book (the other two go much
easier). And for kids younger than 10 it might be too much. But
there's more than enough adventure and suspense here, with
wonderful morals to boot!
2. For younger children, try the Narnia series by C.S. Lewis
(though older kids may like these, too. I reread them last year
myself, and they're still wonderful).
3. A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket (I assume
that's a pseudonym). These nine books take the reader through
the absolutely miserable, terrible horrible lives of the poor,
neglected Baudelaire orphans. The author warns "Don't read them
if you're looking for something pleasant, for these are not."
Many kids love the "reverse psychology" marketing, and they
really are quite well written!
4. Madeleine L'Engle's "Wrinkle In Time" series. The books
get progressively wierder as you work through them, but the
first is absolutely wonderful, and one of my favourites from
childhood. You've got magic and adventure there, too, and
heroes galore.
Hope that helps, and happy reading!
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PARENT TO PARENT QUESTION
Here was June's question:
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What chores do you make your kids do during the summer? How
do you make sure they do them?
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Here are some of the answers I've received back:
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I make a chart with each child's name and a list of ways to
earn points. They could include keeping the room clean, chores,
doing dishes, etc. When a certain number of points were
earned, rewards included things like a trip to Chuck E Cheese
or bowling or a movie if the point totals were high enough-
or simple rewards like McDonalds for smaller totals.
- Elaine Britt
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I always had jobs that never seemed to get done so I would
make a list of 3 types of jobs written on 3 different colors
of paper. The job description (such as straightening the game
closet plus finding all the pieces to the games) and the
amount I would pay for that job was written on the card. Each
level of job corresponded to a color of paper and was paid a
set amount of money.
The division of jobs included the following.
--On blue pieces of paper were written easy/quick jobs with
(small) amount of money to be paid for job. Every day Monday
thru' Friday the child chose 2 blue jobs to do.
--On orange pieces of paper were written tougher/longer
jobs with (a little bigger) amount of money to be paid for job.
Twice during Monday thru' Friday, the child chose an orange
job to do.
--On green pieces of paper were written muscular/time
consuming jobs with (the biggest) amount of money to be
paid for job.
Each week during Monday thru' Friday, the child chose one green
job.
I made the list of jobs to do and my kids helped me to decide
which category to put them in.
- Glenda Schoonmaker. Glenda Schoonmaker is a
freelance writer and has been a professional
speaker for over 25 years. She's also a Certified
Personality Trainer. She can be reached at
trword@citlink.net .
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I make job-charts for my children. They each have 2 or more
jobs, depending on their ages, plus every day assignments like
"clean your room," or "put your supper plates in the dishwasher."
They enjoy checking off each job and seeing the chart fill
up with check marks. At the end of the week, those who fill
their charts get to go out for ice-cream.
Each Sunday afternoon, I ask each child to write a letter to
their grandparents who live in Florida. My oldest 2 children
are teenagers. I let them make supper once a week, which gives
me a little free time.
- Marti Suddarth
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These are all great! But let me add one other thing: I think
kids should have chores that they're doing all the time, and
I think it makes most sense to tie these to an allowance.
But summer's a great time to get to all those chores you've
been avoiding all year. We just cleaned out our basement
and garage, and the kids were a big help. Their closets
could probably use sorting, and they're toy boxes, or even
their winter clothes you're putting away. Let them do
some of these things, and you'll find yourself far more
prepared when September rolls around again!
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Now, here's your August question (and it's a fun one!):
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How do you motivate your husband/partner to do chores around the
house?
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Send me your responses, and I'll post them here.
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REALITY CHECK
Here's my favourite reality check column, which appears
weekly in several newspapers, from last month. It's to celebrate
Canada Day, but for all my American friends, the theme--thank
God for our freedom--is just as applicable to you!
I'm linking to it on my website, to keep this from getting
too long.
www.SheilaWrayGregoire.com/col12_Mimi.htm
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