----------------------To Love, Honor and Vacuum------------------
Tired, at your wit's end, or just need a pick-me-up? Let's give 
ourselves a break as we talk parenting and housework with
some common sense for a change!
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Vol. 1, Number 4                                                   April 2003

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Sheila Wray Gregoire: e-mail: Sheila@SheilaWrayGregoire.com

Author of ***To Love, Honor and Vacuum***, coming soon!
And Reality Check, in the Belleville Intelligencer and the
Penticton Herald.

All material Copyright 2003, Sheila Wray Gregoire

This newsletter is distributed by subscription only. If you want
to unsubscribe, instructions are at the bottom of this ezine.

***Know of someone else who would like this ezine? Feel free
to pass it along, but please keep it in its entirety!***********


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IN THIS ISSUE
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1. FEATURE ARTICLE:
Get Fit for Fun: Turn Exercise Times into Family Play
Times!

2. FAMILY TIPS:
Gardening with your kids

3. BOOK CORNER:
Motivating boys to read

4. KIDS SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS!

5. YOU DESERVE A BREAK!

6. ANNOUNCEMENTS

7. PARENT TO PARENT:
What do you do when you don't like your kids' friends?

8. REALITY CHECK

9. Subscribe/Unsubscribe Information

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Visit me at www.SheilaWrayGregoire.com!

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*********FEATURE ARTICLE*********:


GET FIT FOR FUN: Turn Exercise Times into Play Times!

My 1 ½ year old never walks. Like most toddlers, Katie jumps, 
hops or runs instead. When filming the movie Kindergarten Cop, 
Arnold Schwarzenneggar was similarly impressed by the enthusiasm 
of the child actors for the exercise scenes. They enjoyed them 
so much that the producers added more. Kids, concludes 
Schwarzeneggar, are naturally drawn to exercise. 

Yet as we age we often neglect physical activity, and 
unfortunately our children are copying us. It is now estimated 
that over 50% of American adults are overweight, along with over
20% of children. 

Being overweight itself is not the primary health problem; it is 
that most who are overweight are also physically unfit. The 
benefits of exercise elude them: a longer life, a lower risk of 
depression, higher self-esteem, fewer common illnesses, and fewer 
debilitating illnesses. For children, fitness has also been 
associated with increased academic performance and decreased 
undesirable adolescent behaviours, like drinking and smoking. 

One of the best legacies we can give our children is the habit 
of exercise. Dr. Kenneth Cooper, the "father of aerobics", 
says in his book Kid Fitness that the easiest way to do this is 
to exercise with them. Exercise then also becomes a time to 
develop your relationships. With so many families lacking 
quality time together, exercise provides a wonderful 
opportunity to have fun together in a non-threatening 
nvironment. Dr. C. Everett Koop, former Surgeon General, says 
fitness should be a "family value" because of the physical 
and psychological health it promotes. Yet as wonderful as this 
sounds, few of us follow through.

Only 10% of adults exercise enough to achieve fitness. And 
only 32% of children can pass a basic fitness test. Laziness 
can't be the problem. Parents today face so many demands 
exhaustion is their default state. Instead, I believe our 
inactivity stems from our attitudes about exercise: it's hard, 
it's time-consuming, and it's boring. 

1. It's Hard

My mother-in-law spent her childhood in a rural East Coast town 
with her thirteen siblings. She recalls eating all the 
traditionally high fat foods, yet the family did not become 
overweight because there was simply so much to do to run the 
household. 

Few of us today have such physically demanding lives. A Scottish 
study found that in the last twenty-five years our energy 
expenditure has dropped 800 calories a day. Exercise is hard 
because it requires more effort than we are used to. 

In one of the opening scenes in the movie The Gods Must be Crazy,
a young woman climbs into her car, backs down her driveway and 
down the road, pops a letter into a mailbox through her window, 
and then drives back. It was meant to be a satire, but it's 
not far off the mark. We've adopted lives that squeeze out the 
exercise which is easily available.

Yet it is not only in our errands that we pass up chances to 
exercise. Most of us spend leisure time watching TV or playing 
computer games. When we moved to our new house, our once 
central television set was relegated to the basement. As a 
result my toddler cut her viewing time by about 75%, without 
any effort on our part. 

Instead of the television being the focal point of your home, 
create a central, comfortable place where children are free to 
jump or wrestle, and set up your own equipment. Then choose 
to walk, jog, or bike on short outings. Making these small 
changes allows activity to become a natural part of your life 
with little extra effort.

2. It's Time-Consuming

The guidelines for exercise used to be an intimidating 30 
minute bursts at least three times a week. Few of us can free 
up these blocks of time, so we don't even try. However, 
researcher Steven Blair of the Cooper Institute of Aerobic
Research in Dallas says that smaller time units may still 
provide many health benefits. So how much is enough? Blair 
says, "Doing something is better than doing nothing at all, 
and doing more is better still". Even 10 minutes at a time, 
if you keep at it, can build fitness.

We may also shun exercise because it robs us of time to do 
other things. But exercise can easily be incorporated into 
other activities, says Janet Walberg Rankin, associate 
professor of exercise physiology at Virginia Polytechnic 
Institute and State University. Whatever you normally do, 
just turn the speed a notch higher and you'll get fitter. 

3. It's Boring

Our final misconception is that exercise is a chore. According 
to psychologist Keith Johnegard, "inactivity is an unnatural 
state for human beings". God made our bodies to work and play, 
so our bodies crave exercise, and reward us by feeling great 
afterwards. With so many ways to stay active, you don't have 
to try something you hate. Find something that's fun for you, 
and your children will gravitate to it.

Giving children-and yourself-a harmless way to release energy 
has one other benefit: it makes household life far more 
peaceful. You and your children will burn off steam, 
resulting in less whining, fewer fights, and a quieter 
household. But perhaps best of all, you will have more energy 
to accomplish the many other things you need to get done. 

4. Family Exercises

You're pumped to move, you have ten free minutes, your children
are ready, but what activities should you do that constitute 
"exercise"?

Health expert Dr. Robert Cooper says our bodies need two forms 
of activities: aerobic exercise to improve your cardiovascular 
system, and strength training to develop muscle tone and bone 
density. You know you're exercising aerobically when you can 
talk, but only with difficulty, while strength training is 
adequate when you are stretching your muscles beyond your 
everyday requirements. 

The following list combines both of these elements. Use it as 
a jumping board to finding your own family's fitness style.

Birth to Eighteen Months
1. Get on the floor and crawl with your baby. Encourage them 
to move by placing colorful objects just out of reach. 

2. Lie on your back with your baby on your legs. Do leg lifts. 
Older toddlers still love this "airplane" game.

3. Wrestle with your baby with lots of tickles and kisses.

4. Take swimming lessons.

5. Instead of using the stroller, use a backpack or a front 
carrier to maximize the benefits of walking. 

6. Dance while holding your baby.

Preschoolers 
1. Chase kids around the yard or basement; play tag, freeze, 
or hide and seek.

2. Dance and jump to tapes, action song videos, or and even 
kid fitness videos.

3. Practice throwing, kicking, and catching a ball.

4. Have a clean-up race: set the timer for 5 minutes and see 
how much you can tidy up. 

5. Act out stories you read. My family likes Maurice Sendak's 
Where the Wild Things Are and Eric Carle's From Head to Toe

6. Have tickle fights or play wrestling matches.

7. Join play gym groups at the local YMCA or gym. You'll 
use gym equipment you wouldn't normally have and meet 
other neighborhood families.

8. Attach a knotted rope or gymnastics style-rings to a tree 
or indoor wooden beam for children to practice lifting themselves 
up. 

School-Age Children
1. Bike on short errands.

2. Get a trampoline. 

3. Jog to the corner store, and reward your kids with a low-fat 
treat (like sugar free gum).

4. Have skipping contests.

5. Play hopscotch.

6. Find a family sport, like skating, skiing, biking, or 
basketball. Hold sports parties for the neighborhood.

7. Take camping holidays, and canoe, hike and swim.

8. Play frisbee in the park.

9. Go tobogganing (watch out for trees and rocks!)

When you turn active times into family times, you will spend more 
time with your kids, have more fun with them, and have more 
energy. Do a little more each day, and you'll grow fit as you 
teach your children to care for the amazing bodies they've been 
given. What better motivator do you have to get up the couch 
and get moving!


Note: This article first appeared in a 2001 edition of Vibrant
Life.
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2. FAMILY TIME:

****First, let's revisit last month's question. How do you
make kids enjoy eating family dinners?*****

A few people wrote back on this issue, and the one theme
that kept popping up is this: MAKE FOOD KIDS LIKE. I'm not
tremendously successful at this (ask my kids), but I think
it's a good point worth exploring. Have any tips? Let me know.
I think I'll talk about this next month. And now for this 
month's topic...

***Welcoming Spring***

The winter is finally over and we're all celebrating at my
house! The girls have had their bikes out for the last few days
(even though they both desperately need bigger ones and I
haven't had time to shop yet), and they've been together with
the neighbourhood kids again. It seems that all winter we stay
indoors and hardly see our neighbours, and then everyone
magically reappears in April!

The spring tends to lift everyone's spirits. For many of us,
one of the best parts of spring is that not only are our 
spirits back to life, but our gardens are, too. And gardening 
provides a great way to spend some time with your kids outside.

Here are some tips for different age groups (if you don't
have a garden or if you live in an apartment, scroll down
to the end where I have some tips just for you):

1. Babies
If you need to garden, spread out a blanket on the ground so
your baby can play while you work. Just make sure they 
wear sunscreen, even in the spring before it's too hot (it's
probably a good idea to dab some on yourself, too). If 
your baby rolls and is a concern, take a playpen outside. 
Often just being in different surroundings in the fresh air 
cheers them up. 

If they just won't sit still for very long, move them to 
different parts of the yard so they get a change in 
surroundings. You can also choose specific toys which you 
only bring out during gardening time, so they're less 
likely to be bored.

2. Toddlers
This is an age where kids love to get messy, but 
unfortunately often choose to do so right where you're trying
to get things neat and tidy! If you have a compost bin, let
them shovel around in it to find some neat bugs. You can 
get them a jar where they can collect the bugs, along with 
leaves to feed them (as long as you're sure they're not
going to put those beetles in their mouths!).

Another neat trick is to choose a part of the garden
where they can dig all by themselves. Give them some
gardening gloves and a little trowel, and get them to work 
somewhere where they won't do any serious damage. You can
even give them seeds, and ask them to bury them. Or ask 
them to see how many rocks they can dig up. To a toddler,
digging in real dirt is infinitely better than digging
in any sandbox!

3. Preschoolers-Elementary Age
Here's the age where kids can get their own garden and
actually start doing a few chores to help. If they're
4 or 5, they're probably old enough for a tiny plot, if
only to put a few sunflower seeds or some wildflower 
seeds. You may have to remind them to water them or
to weed them, but they'll love seeing things start to 
grow!

When my kids were 5 or 6 they were able to do small
chores for very short periods of time, like weed certain
areas or spread compost. The attention span isn't too
long, but they can be helpful in quick bursts!

4. Older Children
Some kids are going to love to garden, and some are
going to hate it. If they hate it, don't push them. 
But you can always offer to give them a plot of ground,
too, to see if this is a motivator, even if it's just 
a windowbox. If the kids get to choose the flowers, 
they'll be more inclined to take care of it.

Once kids are pre-teens, though, they're at the age
where they can honestly help, and where you might 
actually need it.

Consider making some garden chores their weekly
chores, and tie them to allowances. My husband had
to mow a ton of grass as a kid and weed a very 
large garden, but he saved his mom a lot of time!

I'll have more tips in another newsletter about
how to motivate kids to do chores. But if you need their 
help, don't be afraid to ask for it!

Now, what about those of you who don't have a garden? 
I firmly believe that gardening can be a wonderful learning
opportunity for kids, and helps them to appreciate the
miracle of nature. Besides that, most kids like dirt and 
getting dirty, so why not take advantage of it?

If you don't have a garden, consider getting a windowbox that
you can hang on your balcony or outside a window. Wal-Mart
or Canadian Tire can help set you up with one. But as with
everything in gardening, keep one thing in mind (the one 
thing I always forget and come to regret in July when
I'm in over my head): don't dream too big. Don't plant
so much that you can't take care of it. A little windowbox
that you can remember to water is infinitely better than a
20x20 foot garden that you never weed. 

Let your kids choose the flowers, and watch them smile 
as they start to grow!
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BOOK CORNER

Nothing is more correlated with academic success than the
love of reading. We all know that, but sometimes motivating
kids to read--and especially motivating boys--is awfully
difficult.

One of the issues boys often face is that the books they're
encouraged to read at school are not ones they'd usually
choose. Many young boys don't actually like "stories".

They couldn't care less about Wilbur or Charlotte, and 
all the teachers claims about how this is a "classic" that
"everybody loves" fall on deaf ears. Not all boys, of course,
approach novels this way, but a significant number do, as 
do some little girls.

So what are your choices? Why not, instead, encourage them
to read high quality books that are interesting for them?

Many boys actually are more receptive to non-fiction than 
fiction. And once they're confidently reading non-fiction,
it's easier to get them to read fiction.

For instance, many boys love the idea of Egyptian mummies.
The thought that someone sucked the brains out of a dead body
through the nose sends shivers of glee up their spines. And
many publishers have figured this out, since books on mummies
abound! Let them check books like this out of the library,
and chances are it will be easier to get them to read 
"Mummies on Monday", a novel about time travel, later on.

If you want other ideas, try these:

1. Sharks (or other "scary" animals)
2. Trucks, Planes, or other big machines
3. Wars
4. Bugs
5. Joke books
6. Magic trick books
7. Natural disasters (earthquakes, tornadoes)
8. Space travel

Try to get the ones that are easy to read and have lots
of pictures. The "Step into Reading" series is great for 
this.

Other books that I really enjoy are published by Usborne,
and are available through Usborne representatives and
often at your library. If you want to contact an Usborne
rep in the Belleville area to see a catalogue, you can 
e-mail b.eprinzen@sympatico.ca.

Once your son is reading these books, you can encourage
him to read novels on the same topic (ask your librarian
for help choosing some). 

This approach doesn't only work for new readers; it 
also can prove helpful for pre-teens who are struggling.
Sometimes taking a break from the novels and 
reading something just because they find it neat is
the best way to show them that reading can actually
be interesting and useful.

To see more book choices, visit me at www.SheilaWrayGregoire.com.

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KIDS SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS!

When my cousin Danielle was coaching "Pee-Wee" 
gymnastics to 3 and 4-year-old girls, she was often 
in stitches recalling their antics. One day, she was 
greeted by a triumphant Shannon, galloping into the gym 
waving something in the air. "Look! See what I wrote in 
the car?" she cried, as she presented Danielle with a 
piece of lined paper with squiggles all over it. "That's 
wonderful, Shannon," Danielle gushed. "What does it say?" 
Shannon rolled her eyes. "I don't know. I can't read yet."

Here's one that a reader sent in:

On Christmas Eve, we set out some goodies to eat (easy stuff 
- no muss, no fuss). One particular item we had last year had 
my 5-year-old son confused. We encouraged him to try a bite, 
which he did. He then announced, "I don't like see-through 
lasagna, and I can't see through it either!". We were 
having sea-food lasagna.

******Do you have a funny story? I'd love to print it!
Send it to me at Sheila@SheilaWrayGregoire.com/contact.php

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YOU DESERVE A BREAK!

Each month, I'll put some obscure parenting fact here. 

Here's this month's: 

The average Canadian watches over 3 hours of TV a day (children
watch almost as much). If you add that up, that equals almost
eight solid years by the time you're 65. Eight solid years. No 
sleep. Just TV. For eight years.

I know for many people TV is a form of relaxation. We're 
tired, and we need to veg. But when you're 65, do you want
to look back on your life and realize that you've spent eight
years vegging? Not only that, but studies have shown that 
watching TV depresses your mood and makes you more tired.

So here are some ideas:
1. Put the TV in an out of the way corner of the house so
it's not on as the default setting.
2. Don't watch dinner in front of the TV.
3. Plan your TV watching instead of turning on to see
"what's on".

If you do watch TV, try to do something else at the same 
time, like a craft. That way, at the end, you do have
something to show for those eight years! But if you can
work up the nerve to banish the TV for a time, you'll
probably find that, in the long run, your family is 
happier for it. If you want more information on this, 
I'll have an article out about it at the end of the month.
You can also go to this website: www.tvturnoff.org


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ANNOUNCEMENTS

Here's what's going on in my life:

1. I have an agent! I'm busy writing my second book proposal,
and I hope to have it sold by the summer.

2. I've been invited to speak at a writer's conference in
Edmonton in September. I'd love to set up a writer's day in
Belleville/Kingston sometime in the fall. If you're interested,
or have more ideas about it, let me know.

3. I'm speaking to a women's group this Thursday morning,
and more in June.

4. I have multiple articles out this month in: Link & Visitor,
ParentLife, and about 15 parenting magazines in the States 
to tie into TV Turnoff Week. I'll try to post some on my 
website soon.

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PARENT TO PARENT QUESTION

Here was March's question:

**How do you get your kids to sleep through the night?**

One reader wrote to say that, unlike me, she found "co-
sleeping" to be a great solution. She didn't find the kids
relied on her to get to sleep later, and when they were 
older they moved into their own beds. But when they were younger,
they were easier to nurse when they were in bed with her, and
the family was happier.

Many families report that this works wonders. I've never
found it worked for me (I can't even sleep if my husband is 
sniffing, let alone a baby with all those sounds). And some
parents report the big problem is moving their kids out of their
beds. But this reader said that because the kids felt secure,
they weren't hard to establish in their own rooms once they
were 3-5.

A number of other parents report to having done something
very similar to what I reported in my Reality Check on 
sleeping through the night (which I copy below). You have to
be firm, and just make the kids get used to going to sleep
in their own crib. It wreaks havoc with your nerves for a time,
but in return you're finally able to get a good night's sleep
within about a week.

Good luck with whichever method you try! I've listed some
books to help on my website. Check it out at 
www.SheilaWrayGregoire.com.

Here's next month's question:

***How do you motivate kids, and especially teens, to
do chores? And what do you require them to do?*****

Send me your responses! I'd love to post them here.

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REALITY CHECK

Here's my favourite reality check from March.


Sleep Like a Baby

If somebody came into your bedroom in the middle of the
night and flicked on the light and stole your pillow, 
would you be able to get back to sleep? Probably not, with 
all the commotion of calling the police and searching for 
intruders, but that's not the point I'm trying to make right 
now. No, most of us wouldn't be able to sleep because our
"sleep cues" are gone. 

Babies are exactly the same. They need certain conditions 
to sleep, too, conditions that we teach them, even if we 
don't realize it. These are the conditions that we taught 
our youngest daughter Katie:

First, Katie needed to be nursed to sleep while rocking in 
a rocking chair. Then, when it looked like she was in a deep 
sleep, she had to be lifted without any change in the angle 
of her body, even if this required the parent (in this case, 
the one with mammary glands) to put her back out as she rose 
from the chair. Then, said mother had to frantically call 
"Keith, Keith, get in here!", in order to summon the
other parent (the one without mammary glands), to rearrange 
the blankets and lower the crib rail (since the mother forgot 
to do this before she started nursing). Everything thus 
readied, the mother would attempt the perfect transfer 
without changing the angle of the baby's body.

If any of these conditions were not met-and, in many cases, 
even if they were-this baby would cry. In this case, what 
this baby needed was to be transferred to the swing. Once 
she was again in a deep sleep, you could pick her up and 
transfer her to the crib (once again whispering frantically 
for the other parent to get the blankets ready). This was a 
much more dangerous transfer, because it necessitated 
changing the angle of the baby's body, which usually woke 
her up, sending you back to step one (nurse her in a 
rocking chair). Because this was our nightly ritual-and 
our middle of the night ritual-Katie could get to sleep 
no other way.

One day we smartened up. We read a book that said that 
babies need to be taught how to go to sleep by themselves. 
They need to be put in their crib while still awake, both 
at set nap times and set bedtimes, so that they get used 
to putting themselves to sleep. Otherwise, you're 
teaching your baby to need you to fall asleep, and whenever 
they wake in the middle of the night they'll call for you 
again. Reading this was like that revelation at the end of 
Planet of the Apes, when the main character surveys the 
desolation and collapses in grief and despair as he 
realizes, "We did this to ourselves!".

With a renewed sense of resolve, we embraced this marvellous 
new plan. In principle. Until we tried it. If we thought we 
had heard screaming before, it was nothing compared to what 
we heard afterwards. 

But we weren't as heartless as it may sound. Part of this 
plan returning to the child's room every few minutes, to 
reassure your baby that you still love him or her. Then 
you must leave again. In our case, this was usually 
accomplished by my husband carrying me from the room as he 
hissed "you promised we would go by the book for a week", 
and I struggled to get back to my baby. 

Thus banished from her room, I would rock back and forth 
on my bed, like characters in a movie who have been in 
solitary confinement and have gone stark raving mad, as I 
listened to my baby cry. I had earplugs in my ears, and I 
would stare at my clock, mumbling, "I can go in again in 
three minutes and twenty seconds, in three minutes and 
nineteen seconds…"

But the amazing thing was, Katie learned to sleep. She only 
cried for twenty minutes that first night, and only a few 
minutes the next few nights after that. And she started 
taking naps, too, once we made them at regular times. And 
once she started to sleep, she started to smile. So did I. 
And we haven't stopped. 


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