Need to lose weight? Here's a great diet I found on the internet!

People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble 
with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the 
starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid 
diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people 
tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days.

Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet.

Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are 
trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in 
this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before 
embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him 
afterwards. Good Luck !!!

DAY ONE
Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape 
jelly. Eat two bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest 
on the floor. Take one bite of toast, then smear the jelly 
over your face and cloth.

Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, 
and a glass of milk (three sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, four sips 
of flat Sprite.

Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor. 

DAY TWO
Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat 
it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of 
vegetable dye. 

Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful 
of Purina DogChow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired. 

Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take 
outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until 
it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug. 

Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up 
your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; 
eat with spoon.

DAY THREE
Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one 
with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff 
other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's 
sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best 
chair. 

Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit 
several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and 
slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red 
punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible. 

FINAL DAY
Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of 
soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, 
add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and 
feed cereal to dog. 

Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. 
Find that sucker and finish eating it. 

Dinner: Drop pieces of spaghetti onto back of dog, insert 
meatball into ear. Dump pudding into Kool-Aid and suck up with 
a straw. 

REPEAT DAYS AS NEEDED!

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